Sometimes Submission Requires Standing Up Instead of Kneeling

Sometimes Submission Means Standing Up Instead of Kneeling

I don’t scrape and bow and kneel every moment of the day. I do, however, serve. For anyone who thinks BDSM, D/s, and specifically submission is all about following, think again. Sometimes, in order to serve a Dominant, you have to take the lead.

Memorial Day. It was supposed to be a fun, relaxing family holiday. John Brownstone finally bought a new grill. All he wanted out of the new home purchase (other than a safe, clean place to live) was a garage and a grill. The garage part was easy. The grill had to wait a few weeks.

He invited his sister, L, and her, hmmm, he’s not her boyfriend, he’s not her partner, but he is the father of her youngest and a huge help in her life, not sure what to call him, except A, and of course, their son (E), who’s the same age as my oldest, over for a cookout. For those who don’t follow my Daddy’s blog (and why not?! Kidding!), you won’t know the whole story. His sister has stage four colon cancer that has spread to her lungs, liver, blood, and lymph nodes. It’s incurable and devastating for the whole family. She’s unable to work and quickly coming to the end of her long-term disability as she was diagnosed almost a year ago. Their mother was helping to take care of her until selfishness prevailed and her mother walked away from all of it. (Sad but true.) Between A, Daddy, his baby sister, and myself, we help her as much as we can. It’s not enough because she’s slowly getting to the point where living on her own won’t be an option.

Okay, now that I’ve depressed you all, you need to know that this woman is also tough as nails and has an amazing spirit. I drive her to the majority of her appointments – blood work, pump removal (it’s how she gets her chemo), fluid and shots, scans, and I’ve gotten to know her over the past several months. Daddy goes to every chemo session and tries to go to the big appointments – CT scans, MRIs, etc. For the first time in months, May was a bad month, and she’s been at the doctor’s office at least three times a week, sometimes more. She’s adjusting to a new normal in the progress of her cancer. As I write this, she’s using a walker to get around her house when she’s alone – which she is more often than not, although A (the one I can’t seem to label) does more than most. He comes over to mow her lawn, clean her house, and he stays the night after big treatments like chemo in case it wears her out too much and he picks up her medication from the pharmacy. He does it for no recompense and no recognition. Daddy and I respect and admire him more than most people we know.

Back to Memorial Day. I cleaned like a madwoman, cooked like a fiend, and prepared our house down to the tiniest detail (the napkins and paper plates had a specific place they needed to be and woe to the one who moved them). L doesn’t drive and currently has no car (another long, crazy story), and although we live almost an hour away now, Daddy went to pick everyone up and bring them over. I was frosting cupcakes when they arrived. We should have known it was going to be a rough day when L fell trying to get in our front door. (Daddy found her walker for her the next day.)

She laughed it off, and I swallowed down a bad feeling. A didn’t come with – there had been an argument between them in front of her son and her sister. L put him out of her house like the teeny-tiny Italian woman she is – cancer or not, she won’t allow disrespect in her home. I agree with A’s argument (why isn’t she getting more help from family) but his method wasn’t great. So just two instead of three. Well, okay, at least I knew there would be leftovers to send home with her.

We visited. We ate lunch. Daddy had a blast with his new grill. We watched a movie. Then it happened.

L’s back exploded in pain that left her pleading with anyone and anything to make it stop. We helped her take her pain meds. We encouraged her to take a second pill because she’d been told it was safe to do when things got bad (when, not if). Then we sat and waited. And waited. We waited while this tough-as-nails woman begged for mercy, begged for the pain to stop, begged for any kind of relief, and broke our hearts because we knew this was becoming her new normal.

Daddy is the oldest of the three siblings and the only boy. He’s the prodigal son to his mother and a support system to the rest of the family, including L. He’s often the only one with a plan of action who can stay calm in the middle of a storm. Everyone in the family leans on him and looks to him to be The Decider. Over the past year, it’s been a heavy burden for him.

In this instance, he was helpless. All he could do was sit next to L, rub her back, and ride it out with her. I sat to the side mouthing, “Should we take her to the hospital?” as her cries became more pitiful. Neither of us knew exactly what to do, but we knew we had to let the meds kick in and see what happened. What happened was that she fell asleep/passed out. It wasn’t a true sleep at first because her hand hung in the air, clawed and tense, grasping towards something unseen.

He had to walk outside and calm down. I watched her breathe. Not that she’d given us any reason to think she’d stop breathing, but I didn’t know what else to do. Finally, a few minutes later, her hand relaxed and we knew she’d fallen asleep as the pain meds took hold. We walked into our bedroom and held one another. I’d cried through the whole thing, while I’d caught tears in his eyes a few times. Now, we just breathed together. The whole episode lasted an hour or so, but it felt like a lifetime. When she woke up, we waited, unsure of whether the pain would come back or if we’d need to call 911. She was unsteady on her feet after that, but seemed almost normal.

To say it was a wake up call for both of us and a new understanding of what was happening with her, would be a massive understatement.

Because he had to take her home and we kept her with us for a while to make sure she was going to be okay, it was after midnight before we went to bed that night. Not that Daddy could sleep. I could feel the stress coming off of him in waves. His feelings and emotions are something I feel physically. I know it doesn’t make sense, but when he’s in pain, I become nauseous. When he’s stressed and exhausted, I become teary and frazzled. We feed off of each other’s energy, I suppose.

Two days after Memorial Day, and he was exhausted although he’d slept for 10 hours the night before. He had zero energy, zero drive, zero anything.

Since the episode on our couch, I’d heard him choke back sobs. I’d held his hand as he told me what the doctor said at her chemo appointment (which was the day after all this happened). I cheered him on when he admitted that he told the doctor what happened because L tried to down play it all. He was an emotional wreck. It was too much for him.

I knew I had to do something.

First, you have to understand that although Daddy is always in charge, we have an agreement that when he’s sick I can apply as much tough love as needed to get him better. Stress and exhaustion make people sick, so I treat it the same. It was time to bring out the big guns.

I started slow. A bit of sass. I may or may not have stuck my tongue out at him. I may or may not have “argued” with him playfully over anything and everything. I needed to tweak him a little until he responded to the sassy snark. It didn’t take long.

“Girl. Are you being brassy?” (For the record, that’s a combo of bratty and sassy.)

In my sauciest voice, “Uh huh!”

A few smacks on the ass and pinched nipples, and he seemed more normal. That was one day out.

The next day, he was still low energy and stressed to the max.

“Okay, I’ve made an executive decision.” He looked up from the game on his phone (the one he’d had his nose buried in for over an hour). “The boys are having sandwiches and going to their room to play on their tablets until their eyes and fingers bleed.”

He looked really confused.

I continued. “And I’m ordering Chinese food and we’re watching Big Bang Theory all night long. No questions asked. Got it?”

He smiled the smallest smile. “Yeah, that might be nice.”

An hour later, we were stuffing ourselves full and laughing hysterically. Everything else was forgotten. For one evening, we blew off our routine, we filled the boys with ice cream and let them loose to play as much Minecraft as they could stand, and we relaxed…and ate our feelings in the form of yummy Chinese goodness.

That night in bed, my ass stung from a few well placed swats. He’d pinched my nipples hard and helped me take a Boobday picture (or 20). His energy was almost normal again.

“Thank you, babygirl.”

The next morning, he kissed me with such force that I actually felt the moisture flood my pussy and my breath was literally taken away. He was back.

Here’s the deal, I don’t really think I did much, but I did a few small things that I knew would help him. I just needed to give him the opportunity to take his mind off of things and re-charge a little. Serving him as my Daddy, my Dominant, and simply the man I love is about taking care of him in whatever way necessary. Sometimes that means becoming The Decider for a minute. Could we really afford an unplanned take out meal in the middle of the week? Not really. Did it help him get back to normal and come out of his head? Absolutely. If the expense had been ten times as much, it would have been worth it.

Relationships, D/s or vanilla, are about the people in them, regardless of the roles you assume. Sure, I’m a submissive, but that doesn’t mean doormat and it sure as fuck doesn’t mean helpless. Sometimes you have to stand up and take control of a situation in order to serve. Sometimes you have to put aside the “Yes, Sir” and “Anything you want” and give them what they need, even if they can’t see it for themselves.

Sometimes Submission Means Standing Up Instead of Kneeling


Images via Google Images

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, an opinionated marketer, and speaker. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I am so with you on this, there is a time that you have to step up and say and do what you believe to be right for your partner – D/s or no D/s.

    I have to say that reading about L’s current situation and the event with the terrible pain brought back some still vivid memories of my dad. He had the same cancer and I remember a couple of occasions when something similar happened. Waiting for the pain meds to kick in was just horrible as you feel so so helpless and also as you say can see that this is a view of what is to come. Things improved for him once the doctors prescribed a morphine pump – I am not sure if that kind of thing is an option for her?

    My thoughts are with you all. Make the most of your times together and keep on looking after your man xxx

    • We’re not sure about where she’s really at. She has another CT scan scheduled for mid-June, and then she’s traveling to NY for a couple of weeks, so I think they’ll leave everything as it is until she gets home and then re-assess. The pain was sudden and weird, and they thought just a result of a shot they were giving her to get her white blood cell count back up – but it happened when it shouldn’t, so now the CT scan.

      All I can do is take care of him as much as he takes care of me…even when he doesn’t think he needs it. 🙂

      • Hugs. I get the sudden and weird and I know that he won’t always know when he needs the support – I can clearly remember that. Thinking of you all xxx

  • I love this, Kayla. It touches me where I live and how I feel about my need to be everything Beloved needs .

    Hugs to you all❤️

  • This spoke to me, to, Kayla. We are many things for our men, not always small, not always kneeling. M counts on it.


  • I was sunk in my head babygirl, the emotional weight of Monday had dragged me way down.
    You stepped up and the little things you did helped bring me back…again I say thank you my good girl!

  • Sending much love to you both. You are good people. The curve balls life throws take their toll and watching those we love suffer is heart wrenching. No easy choices. We are human with basic needs foriving. Regardless of being a Dom or sub, life is life and we all need time to decompress from extreme stress. Doms are allowed to veg. You served him well by taking care of his basic needs.

    Sending peaceful thoughts to L. My heart goes out to her.

    • ((HUGS)) Thank you. Neither of us feel like we do enough, but we’re not sure what else we can do right now. Being the planners and thinkers we are, we’re mentally chewing on it, though. She needs more than we can give.

  • This made me cry but also uplifting too in the way you helped your Sir. Please put something similar on Fetlife as I am sure this would help a lot of subs out there too who might be going through similar things. I know it has helped me to understand a 24/7 relationship more just reading things about you and Sir. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings to those of us who are not in a relationship at the moment although we would like to be.

    • It was a hard post to write. I’ve seen it take two of my family members, and it hangs over my family like an invisible hammer that we’re all waiting to fall. For SSir, it’s a relatively new experience in his family and hits closer to home. Cancer sucks on so many levels.

  • I am so, so sorry that you are all going through this. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

    Have they considered a pain med pump?

    Anyway, you are right… D/s or not….we are partners too. I remind my Daddy of this too. I am there for him to lean on, as much as he is there for me.

    I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    • Not sure she’s at the point yet where she needs one. So far (knock on wood) the pain is inconsistent. But if it becomes more frequent, one of us will probably bring it up.

      When he doesn’t lean of his own free will, remember that it’s okay to “make” him lean. I got SSir over the flu like that once. He was a bit growly at first but once he felt better, he realized my method worked – it’s how I got permission to administer tough love as needed with no fears on him getting mad at me. 😀

  • In glad you are together in this. He needs you so much to help him stay strong. Sassiness is just the spice of Babygirls. Daddies need us that way to help them when they get in their heads. I think it gives them something to distract from the weight of their world. Hugs, girly.

  • I read this several days ago and have been digesting it. So raw, so painful. It raises so many beautiful things in the two of you…your bright lights shine forth so brilliantly. You don’t need *me* to say it, but for what you do–for the caring and love and compassion–I am so blessed to know this about you.

    It is hard to watch someone die. When you love them, and are alone bearing the burden of the work (and it is a burden, and it is work, and it hurts the soul so much to do)…it is excruciating.

    I’m glad you are there for him. He will continue to need you. S.Sir, your sister, your family, are in my prayers, that her transitions are quick, that she can be pain-free, that you have the strength you need when you need it, and the freedom to NOT be strong when you can’t be. You have a help-meet there to love and support you. I will send you love, compassion, and energies to cope with this. It sure as hell is not easy…but you are a brave and strong man to be there for her.

    Blessed be, my friends,


    • Oh, nilla, you brought tears to my eyes. SSir is an amazing man, and although what’s happening is tragic, it does seem to have brought certain parts of the family closer together. Blessings in disguise? I don’t know, but they all need one another more than ever. ((HUGS))

  • Well done my friend….in life all good relationships are about love, support of one another, and devotion that no matter what, you do what needs done to pull, or help the other along when times get tough. You and Southern Sir have such a beautiful relationship, and I love how your sharing your life lessons within your D/s, it’s a beautiful thing!

    The road ahead will not be an easy one for his sister, or any of you as she declines, and it’s maddening to sit by and watch them, knowing there is nothing you can do to make them better. It just sucks! But support and hold each other up, celebrate the moments she is feeling her best, and treasure as many moments when she is lucid and and talkitive, as these will become your memories. I lost both of my siblings to horrible illness, that was heartbreaking to watch, and it’s funny to me now what became special memories to treasure from their final months, weeks, then days. I pray for strength, and comfort for you both, and for his family and sister. Hold on to one another and stay strong.
    With love and huge hugs, Mynx

    • ((HUGS)) Thank you, Mynx. I talked to my mom last night and told her what had been going on recently. She wondered if my own past (three family members dying of long-term illnesses) helped me help him. I hope so.


  • As I have said on many occasions, we are equals who have negotiated an inequality because we like it but when life demands then what we have above anything else is love and it is love that makes someone reach out to their partner, as you did, to help them find their ‘normal’ self again.


  • ok now that I have stopped tearing up this is a blow away post! As a Dom sometimes like kicks us and we just cant catch our breath. I am happy for your Daddy he has you. I wish nothing but the best for you both. (((hugs)))

  • Good thing that L and your Daddy have you to help out, and make sure everyone is ok. On June 6th, it was 10 years ago that my Mom died of metastasized colon cancer. Reading your post makes me sad that L has to go through so much pain. 🙁

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