Yearning

I crave and yearn for submission. Not just the kinky, dirty sex. In this moment, it’s not about that. It’s the surrendering of my will. It’s the complete trust felt. It’s the loss of desire for control.

I’m a strong woman. I don’t need to be reminded of that. I live my life every day fully recognizing that I am capable of running my own life. I handle my business and deal with things that would make a lesser woman break down.

But the comfort, the safety, the sheer yearning for submission sneaks up on me. Today is one of those days.

This yearning  – it makes me miss him. It makes me feel empty. It makes me feel like a limb is missing. I’m not whole. I’m not complete.

I can’t submit to just anyone. I can’t submit without full trust and love. I give too much of myself in submission – I realized that early on. I can’t be one of these women who submits to someone online. I can’t be one of many for a Dom. I have to be special. I have to be the one. I have to be genuinely loved.

Every cell in my body cries out for something I can’t have. There isn’t a way to replace it. No amount of masturbation, fantasies, reading, conversations can replace the yearning to submit.

Here I sit…yearning…craving…missing…needing…aching…alone.