Handling Other People’s Opinion of Your D/s Relationship LB069

Episode 69 (bow chicka wow wow) is the first episode of 2017 and after a holiday spent with friends and family, it felt right to do a topic based on a listener's question: How do you handle the negative opinions from vanilla family and friends over your D/s relationship?

In this episode:

  • John Brownstone received a slightly judgy comment on a blog post calling our kink "abuse."
  • A lot of us have just spent extra time around family and friends, some of who might wonder about your kinky relationship, whether you're out or not.
  • You might get comments, looks, or judgement from those who don’t know you’re kinky but maybe notice something different.
  • Or, like at least one listener, judgement from those who do know and don't approve.
  • Coming out to anyone about your kink is a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do.
  • Before you share your kinky life with others, assess possible risks - people lose jobs and kids over their kink.
  • One way to “deal” with vanilla friends and family who make snide remarks or judge you is to develop a thick skin and confidence in who you are as a kinkster and a person - but it takes time.
  • You may never change their mind, but you don’t have to. Be who you are, and they will either accept it or not.
  • If you have to, remove yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or avoid their presence (if possible).
  • If a “friend” is refusing to believe you or listen to you, and says mean, ugly things to you, are they really your friend?
  • As with other things in life where we disagree - think politics - you can still love someone you don’t understand or agree with - your family and friends should be able to do the same thing. And hopefully they will.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

My Ongoing Internal Debate: Opening Up About Kink or Not

Aftercare and Punishment (John Brownstone)

Childcare and Divorce: Considerations for Alternative Lifestyles (NCSF)

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I just downloaded it and I’m looking forward to listening. All of my vanilla friends are uncomfortable with my relationship with my Dom. One has even told me that she thinks it’s abusive. And I’m not out to any of my friends, either. I do understand why they feel the way they do, but it’s burdensome at times to deal with their disapproval. Looking forward to listening!

    • To me, it’s almost harder when you understand why they might feel like they do because you can almost anticipate the objections. Hopefully they will learn to see past what they don’t understand and see your happiness. ((HUGS))

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