Anyone Can Be Kinky – LB001

We called our podcast Loving BDSM because we're a loving D/s couple who love the BDSM lifestyle, and we want other curious kinksters to love it, too! For the first episode, listeners get a much needed reminder that BDSM doesn't require a lot of rules and anyone can participate.

From this episode:

  • Why we're podcasting
  • We want your questions and topic suggestions: Contact me or contact John Brownstone
  • Two rules in BDSM: Play safe and gain consent. Always.
  • Dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms - oh my!
  • Anyone can be kinky - all genders, all sexual preferences, all races, all sizes. Everyone.
  • Science says BDSM is good for us: BDSM Correlated With Better Mental Health
  • If you want to be kinky, go for it!

I will point out (before someone else does) that I make an unspoken assumption in this episode that all kinksters practicing BDSM are of legal age. Consent cannot be gained from a minor. When I tell you to get consent, I mean legal consent. (Maybe I'll make that a topic for another episode. Hmmm...thinking...)

Not too bad, right?

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Full Transcript:

Hi there!

Welcome to the very first episode of Loving BDSM, a podcast from Kayla Lords (that's me!) and John Brownstone (eventually – when I can get him to sit down and record with me).

We're still a little baby podcast so as we go along things might change and, I hope, get better and better. By the way, the show is called Loving BDSM because we're a loving D/s couple in a long-term relationship who love BDSM.

Apparently, and I never know these things until someone sends me a link online or mentions it in a comment somewhere, there's a myth out there that BDSM and love don't mix. Oh, and that BDSM and sex don't happen.

For some people that's completely true. In my world – and that of many of my kinky friends, BDSM, love, and sex definitely mix.

As we publish more episodes over time, you'll hear one or both of us talking about our own relationship and what we're learning and experiencing in BDSM and as a D/s couple. (He's the Dominant and I'm the submissive, in case you wondered.) We'll also share tips, tricks, and things we've learned in the BDSM lifestyle. We figure that we're not the only ones who could use the information and since there's so much bad information out there, we'll do our part in sharing the good stuff – and hopefully help out our fellow kinksters.

If you ever have a question or something you want us to discuss, you can always contact us through our websites – the links are in the episode notes or you can go to kaylalords.com or southernsirsplace.com. We have a place for you to contact us right from the front page. Yes, we love hearing from people and yes, we respond back. Unless you're creepy – I'm looking at you random submissive guy who wanted me to be your mistress.

So who the hell am I and why am I talking about BDSM?

My name is Kayla Lords and I'm a submissive, a babygirl, and a masochist. He's John Brownstone and he's a primal sadist and a Daddy Dom. Yes, I call him Daddy. No, I don't have Daddy issues.

I've been in the lifestyle since 2012 – not a long time but long enough to have learned a few things. I'm also a sex blogger and an erotic author and a contributor to Kinkly and Submissive Guide. Most of what I write about centers around BDSM in some form. Of course that's not all of who I am or what I do, but I guess you could call those my credentials.

Sometimes I dish out tough love – like when I wrote about the ten signs he's an asshole, not a Dominant. Don't worry, Dominants, I dish out the tough love to submissives, too. But it's not all straight talk. BDSM is a beautiful thing and an amazing lifestyle and I want to help people understand what it means and what it looks like – from my perspective, at least. Hint – it's not what you see in porn and it's rarely what you read in erotica.

So for the first episode what can I tell you about BDSM?

I can tell you it's different for everyone. There are few rules. But the rules that exist cannot be ignored:

Stay safe.
Get consent.

Daddy and I follow safe, sane and consensual. There's also something called RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Basically, know what you're doing before you play and get the consent of your partner. Or partners.

After that, anything goes.

Male Dominant and female submissive may be most common but it's not the only way. There's Female Dominant and male submissive (also common and it seems to be slightly more socially acceptable). Male Dominant, male submissive. Female Dominant, female submissive. Switches – people who can be either Dominant or submissive depending on their mood, partner, and a bunch of other reasons.

Domination and submission also known as D/s is a relationship within the BDSM lifestyle. You don't have to be in a relationship to get kinky, though.

So there's also tops and bottoms. A submissive can top someone else – a Dominant, a submissive, or just another kinkster. A Dominant can bottom for a partner – again, that can be for another Dominant, a submissive, or another kinkster. A submissive can act as a bottom to someone other than their Dominant. A Dominant can simply top someone in a scene. Topping and bottoming don't follow the typical rules or protocols that might be in place for people in a long-standing D/s relationship. It's more casual and not a permanent relationship.

Confused yet? That's because there are so many ways to enjoy BDSM.

What else do you need to know?

Gender identity, sexual preference, race – none of those matter in BDSM. There's no rule about who can play and who can't. If someone tries to tell you different, ignore them. They're either uneducated about BDSM or an ass.

The only rules are – what y'all? Safety and consent.

After that, it's game on.

What your kinky life looks like will be completely different than mine or anyone else's. And that's the beauty of it. BDSM is a form of self-expression. It's a way to get in touch with your sexual self and, maybe, your deepest, darkest fantasies.

And, as science is now showing, it's probably good for our mental health and well-being. Studies have shown that kinky people are more accepting of themselves and others and are generally happier and healthier than non-kinky people. I didn't need a study to tell me that. From the first time I submitted to a Dominant until this very moment that you're listening to my voice, I have felt more complete, more whole, and much happier than I could have ever imagined. Yes, life sucks sometimes and shit will always happen, but when you're comfortable in your own skin, life isn't as bad. Nothing is.

My parting words to you at the end of our very first episode are this:

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't be kinky. Don't let anyone tell you you're not the right color, gender, weight, or type to get into the BDSM lifestyle. All you need is the consent of at least one willing partner and the knowledge to play safe. The rest is up to you.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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