New to BDSM and Kink?

New to BDSM and Kink?

 

Are you new to BDSM and struggling with where to start and what resources to trust? Well, you've come to the right place. On this page, you'll find some of my own posts that I recommend (of course) but also other resources I know about or have found to be helpful and accurate. This page will change and grow over time with new information being added, especially if I come across any great resources to share.

For now, welcome to the kinky, wild, amazing world of BDSM. Before you get started, remember that what you read are people's experiences and views on kink. There are very few truths or standards in this lifestyle.

Consent and safety are the two main rules.

The rest is fun, exploration, and a way to grow as a person and (if you bring kink into your relationship) as a couple.

Posts You Can Read on This Website

I've been writing about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and kink since I began the site (first on wordpress.com, then self-hosted) in 2012. I've written about my personal relationships, and I've shared my opinions. These posts are some of what I think new kinksters may need to know as you begin to navigate the world of BDSM.

About Submission

3 Things Submissives Do To Turn Off Dominants

10 Signs You're Confused About How Submission Really Works

You Can Be a Good Submissive Even With Low Self Esteem

Being a Babygirl is More Than You Think

About Dominance

7 Things to Remember When Getting to Know a Dominant

10 Signs He's an Asshole, Not a Dominant

The Definition of a Daddy Dom

Dominants Who Give Oral are Still Dominant

About BDSM, Kink, and the Lifestyle

Do You Understand Informed Consent?

BDSM Doesn't Magically Fix Your Life

6 Ways Munches Are Like Any Other Social Gathering

Your Kink Isn't My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay

Do You Know Your Limits?

Take Precautions When You Get Kinky

You Will Survive the Pain of Heartbreak 

With over 1000 posts on this website, there's plenty more where that came from, but this should get you started.

Loving BDSM Podcast

While I still write a lot about BDSM and D/s relationships, most of the information I share is now via podcasts. (Don't worry, readers, a full transcript is almost always available if you can't listen to it.)

I'll list a few episodes you may be interested in as a new kinkster, but you can always comb through the entire show list to find something to listen to.

Anyone Can Be Kinky (Episode 1)

What Does a Good Dominant Look Like? (Episode 3)

Staying Safe While Getting Kinky (Episode 12)

Making the Switch from Vanilla to D/s (Episode 16)

Finding the Right D/s Partner for You (Episode 23)

Disagreements and Arguments in a D/s Relationship (Episode 25)

See all the episodes: Loving BDSM

Blogs to Follow

What I love about these blogs is that they're all the personal account of other people's BDSM experiences, light or hardcore. They all have something to add to the BDSM conversation, and you'll definitely learn something from them.

Southern Sir's Place (John Brownstone - and yes, I'm very biased, lol)

Molly's Daily Kiss

Rebel's Notes

Love, Sex, and Marriage

Diary of a Married Woman

Wild West Angel

The Mynx Blog

Vagina Antics

The Submission of Elle

The Kinky World of Vile 

There are so many blogs out in the world, I could never mention them all. These are sites I've followed for a long time, and while their kink isn't always my kink, they definitely have their own perspective on D/s and BDSM.

Websites to Check Out

So how are the websites different from blog? Well, usually they're huge productions with multiple writers - and sometimes I'm one of them - but not always, and they don't always focus on the personal stories and more on the technical stuff. If you see a ** that means it's a site I've written for at some point, just for full disclosure.

Kinkly**

Submissive Guide**

Dominant Guide

Fetish.com**

A Submissive's Initiative

Books to Read

I'll confess right now that I haven't read a lot of books on BDSM and D/s (mostly blogs and website articles), and the one author I used to recommend to anyone and everyone isn't someone I'm going to mention here. That being said, I'm starting to read more, and the books I can tell you about are really recommendations from John Brownstone, who I trust completely. As I find BDSM and D/s books I think are of value, I will add them to this list.

The Loving Dominant by John Warren

Two Knotty Boys: Showing You the Ropes

Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous

50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM by Tristan Taormino

So there you have it, one resource to help you navigate BDSM and kink.

This isn't everything you could possibly know, and I definitely don't think I have all the answers. What I know is based upon my own experience and what I've observed. Find another D/s relationship or another kinkster, and they'll share something different. Forget about the "true" or "real" stuff in kink, and figure out what works best for you.

Remember: the only real rules are consent and safety.

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