It Began to Feel Like Hurricane Porn

I have lots of thoughts and feelings about hurricanes in general, Hurricane Irma specifically, and maybe Hurricane Jose (depending on what it does later this week). I’m processing that stuff and will write about it soon.

It likely won’t surprise anyone that while waiting and watching a storm and then, ultimately, evacuating for a hurricane – with two kids and a dog – that there was little smut, kink, or anything remotely sexy for us this weekend. John Brownstone was a tense bundle of nerves. I was teary and bleary. The kids just wanted to get out of the damn car (me too, dudes, me too.)

So yeah, my Masturbation Monday isn’t the sexiest thing ever this week. But I can laugh a little bit at myself – as I sit in the sunshine, mild temperatures, no humidity, and plenty of electricity. (For those who couldn’t or didn’t leave Florida, you’re in my thoughts. I’ve sat through enough hurricanes to know what you’re going through. I’m out of the way thanks to plenty of good fortune and opportunities not everyone has.)

Back in the day, before we all lived on the internet and social media, you got about 72 hours of solid warning for a storm. That was when predictions were the most accurate. These days, it’s 10 or more days to know the storm is out there, talk about where it’s going, and scare the hell out of everyone. If you’re likely to be in the path, you can become obsessed by the track – where’s it going, where will it hit, what do I need to do? Well, maybe other people don’t, but I did – and so did John Brownstone.

Y’all, I was Googling “irma spaghetti models” and “irma track” like it was hurricane porn. I had to know. Had to see for myself. Give me more!

It became an obsession – as you might imagine it would. Of course, it wasn’t really like porn. I certainly didn’t get off on any of it. Unless it was during the two or three minutes when we thought my area was in the clear. Then there was definitely a feeling of relief. Short-lived as the track moved again. And again…and again.

As someone who’s fallen down the rabbit hole of porn searches, the feeling was familiar – even if the reason for the searches had nothing to do with pleasure. The need to see more pushed me to keep looking. I had a definite desire to get more information, to know more about what was going on.

And to be honest, I definitely wanted to see something very specific. Instead of multiple bodies grinding against each other, I looked for a change in direction, a change in speed, a downgrade of strength. So for me (and of course I only speak for myself) it was my own weird hurricane porn until we finally left Florida.

Welcome to Masturbation Monday! I anticipate zero kinky fuckery for us until we get back home – assuming home is normal when we get there. But for those who wondered, we’re fine and out of Florida for a few more days. For anyone who came for the smut, you know where to go!