When John Brownstone and I sat down to discuss this week's Loving BDSM episode - on Wednesday, for a Thursday recording, and Friday release (nothing like cutting it close!) - I worried I didn't have much of an opinion. The topic? Topping from the bottom.
I asked him on the show, "Have I ever topped from the bottom?" I dreaded his answer because the good girl in me hates the idea I might. At first he couldn't think of a time...until he did. No one can see me, but I promise I turn a few shades of red.
Over the course of the week (okay, the day leading into the show) I still didn't have much of a concrete opinion on topping from the bottom other than I don't want to do it - purposefully or accidentally. But I was also reminded, like a lot of things in BDSM, it's not a clear-cut situation.
It's a matter of perception, perspective, and (I think) intent. And most of the time - although definitely not all the time - it's a sign of another issue that needs to be talked about.
Do you have thoughts or experience with topping from the bottom? Listen to the show, and let us know if you think we got it completely right or completely wrong or (the likelier option) somewhere in the middle.
From the show:
- Kayla's books on Smashwords are half off with coupon code SSW50 through the end of July
- What is topping from the bottom?
- What it isn’t
- How people feel about the concept
- Before you diagnose topping from the bottom think about why it might be happening
- Lack of trust or fear could be the cause
- Some people want power taken away from them, and it can appear to be topping from the bottom
- If a Dominant feels out of control, the sub may be topping from the bottom
- What to do about it? The answer is always to communicate. Only at that point can you decide what the next step is.
- Brats, smartass masochists, and sass - is any of this topping from the bottom? Not necessarily.
Listen to the show:
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