Breakups suck. D/s breakups feel even worse. If you've never known the pain of ending your intense, kinky relationship, I'm happy for you. The rest of us aren't so lucky. While I've written about recovering from this kind of heartache before, John Brownstone and I thought it was something we needed to discuss on the show.
No, we don't tell you how to avoid breakups. But (hopefully) we can help those of you going through it realize you're not alone and that awful, soul-shattering feeling won't last forever. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find something in the episode to help you in your next D/s relationship.
I want everyone to find happy, healthy kinky relationships but I also know that the person who was "the one" at first can become the one you don't want after a while. In most relationships, there's a right way and a wrong way to end it. It won't lessen the pain but doing it the right way might give you both closure.
Oh, and for the record, toxic and unsafe relationships aren't what we're talking about. In those relationships, you do whatever you have to do to get out and stay safe.
If you're so inclined, stick around to the very end of the episode for more "bonus" material. I accidentally edge the audience and John Brownstone denies the "climax" aka what I wanted to tell everyone.
From the show:
- Want to spice up your sex life with fun-filled box of surprises? Check out Unbound!
- Breakups happen for any number of reason: incompatible, cheating, violating consent, being unsafe, just not liking the other anymore.
- In a perfect world, it would be a mutual, but probably still painful, decision, but it rarely happens that way.
- If you’re unhappy in your relationship or don’t want to be that person’s Dom or sub anymore, it’s better to break it off (nicely and gently) than to let it linger or, worse, abandon the other person. Abandonment happens to Doms and subs.
- Breaking up with your kinky partner: be honest, don’t go silent, just freaking say it, and if you’re capable/willing, be there for them for a certain amount of time after the breakup.
- Being dumped: Cry, scream, drink a lot of wine, fuck a random person (consensually and with protection, y’all) but let yourself grieve in whatever way you need to.
- Don’t stalk them, constantly message them, beg them to come back. This only prolongs the agony.
- Breakups are the death of a relationship. Both sides are allowed to grieve in their own way. It takes as long as it’s going to take for you to get over it.
- There are lessons to be learned in every failed relationship. Don’t be afraid to look back and see what you missed when you were in the middle of it.
- When you’re in a toxic or unsafe relationship, the “rules” of a good breakup don’t apply. Do whatever you have to do to remove yourself from the situation and stay safe.
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