I read an article I found on Facebook last night all about burnout.
It was an ah-ha open.
Not everything I've felt is about burnout, but I think it's playing a part in this mental gunk plaguing me. Ugh.
I woke up this morning with purpose. Or at least with a lot of ideas. Until I can finally sit down and talk with someone who can help me figure this out, I have to find new ways to take care of myself.
Since I can't reduce the work that pays the bills (not yet, anyway) I have to find other ways to simplify life - especially since even the things I have enjoyed for years are starting to fill me with dread.
So I'm taking a kind of, sort of blogging hiatus.
Until I can figure myself out, feel better, or have more desire to create than I currently do, I'm reducing my blogging efforts drastically (at least it feels that way to me).
I'll do Masturbation Monday, the podcast, and random toy reviews/sponsored posts as they come in. (I have a couple of book reviews and a shameless promotion to do but after that, any new requests will have to wait.)
For some bloggers, this would be enough. For me, it's less than half of what I normally do. It kind of freaks me out, but it also brings a sense of relief.
How long will it last? I don't know. Until I wake up one day and realize I miss it?
Why am I making an announcement about it? Because if I don't, I'll feel guilty, like I'm letting everyone down. And no, I don't know where the guilt-thing comes from either, but it's there - making me hate myself most of the time.
Will I use the extra time to write books? Not right now. I have to reduce the pressure I've put on myself. I need to deal with the burnout I feel and get back to my love of creating. My big, bad hope is that given a little bit of time, I'll find that desire to write again. And if not, that I'll find other avenues for my creative energy.
I don't know what path lies ahead. I don't know if this will help me sort myself out or if after a week or two, I'll realize I hate it and get back to my normal blogging routine. I don't know anything anymore.
My hope is that this (kind of, sort of) "hiatus" will give me a sense of freedom. This is my effort to exist without all the pressure I've put on myself to work towards my biggest goals (which are all still there, hovering, waiting to be completed). I need to clear my mind of some of the gunk and find my joy again.
My fingers are crossed that this will help.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday (my last one for a while, I think). This week's prompt was about creating your own path when you need it. I have no idea if this path will help or hurt but it feels right. I'm not really going anywhere, just focusing inward for a while.