We don't get into this D/s thing purely as a selfless act of love or lust. Sure, there might be some of that when you convince your very vanilla partner to smack your ass or pull your hair or tell you to "bend over baby" or whatever. But we keep doing it because we have needs and they're being met (or we hope they will be).
But what happens when those needs aren't being met anymore? What do you do? How do you handle it?
After two separate questions were posed about needs - on the opposite ends of the spectrum - I knew this needed to be talked about in detail. Sometimes, your partner can't give you what you need because life is shitting all over them (I'm thinking of last summer when John Brownstone's sister died - no, he couldn't be the same Daddy Dom I needed for a while). Sometimes, your partner refuses, even after much discussion and promises they'll try, to give you more of what you need. Either way, it can quickly become an issue.
Hopefully our (more than an hour long) discussion on the topic will shed some light for you and give you a few ideas on how to handle it.
And (sigh) no transcript this week. I think once we get the new mic, I might have a good (and FREE!) solution for creating transcripts when we're both together on the show.
From the show:
- Shout-outs to Zander and Ruth Kay for their support of the podcast and the high-quality mic fund. More shout-outs coming next week. Yes, you can still pledge your support. We're about halfway to what we need to make it a reality. Woohoo!
- This week's episode is inspired by two different questions from submissives about their needs.
- How to handle it when a partner, specifically your Dominant, can't give you what you want because of major stress in their life.
- What to do when your partner won't fulfill your needs - or make an attempt - because they don't want to.
- There are no easy answers, but they all begin with communication.
- When life stress gets in the way of your D/s relationship, holding onto the structure you already have will help you.
- As a submissive, sometimes serving comes in the form of supporting our Dominant through tough times, taking care of things for them when they can't, and simply being patient.
- Tough situations can happen to you as a couple. Understand that it's normal for the D/s side of things to slip, but if you can maintain the basic structure of your power exchange, you may be able to cling to that when things get really tough.
- Sometimes it's not stress that gets in the way. Sometimes your partner doesn't want to fulfill your needs for any number of reasons.
- First talk. Then watch their reaction. Next decide what to do.
- It's okay if your desires, wants, and needs don't match up perfectly with your partner. There are ways around it. Sometimes you don't have to align perfectly to have a good relationship.
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