Well, I can't take complete credit for this week's Loving BDSM podcast episode. A conversation I had with a fellow babygirl a few weeks ago and an email I received earlier this week inspired me. And now that I'm healthy again, I'm back to ranting, raving, and rambling - with what I hope are words of wisdom somewhere in between.
I have people tell me all the time that they wish they had what John Brownstone and I have. I sort of smile and nod (because it's rude to lecture people on social media). What you have to realize is that we work very hard every day for what we have...and we didn't begin as Daddy and babygirl. We worked up to it. Hell, the first time I mentioned the possibility of being a Daddy Dom to him he laughed his butt off at me.
So my main advice for finding the right D/s partner is this...
Stop trying to find the person who fits into whatever type of dynamic you think you want and find someone you connect with on a mental, emotional, and physical level. After that, find the dynamic that works best for both of you. You might be surprised at where you both end up and what kind of relationship you build together.
From the show:
- Sponsorships are available for the show. Contact Kayla directly for details.
- As with most episodes, this came from real conversations she's had with fellow kinksters.
- There is no step-by-step list on how to pick the perfect partner in a kinky relationship.
- Some people start on specific websites: Fetlife, CollarMe, Adult Friend Finder - and they keep finding only duds.
- Instead of looking someone who uses the label you prefer (Daddy, babygirl, kitten, etc.), look for a person you have a genuine connection with.
- Two schools of thought: find the person without knowing their kinky preferences or look for people who identify as kinky. Kayla prefers to look among people who already know they're kinky.
- Only choosing based on the title or label someone uses for themselves eliminates potentially great partners.
- You might miss out on people who have something new to teach you.
- Instead of finding the person to fit your ideal relationship dynamic, find the relationship dynamic that fits you and the person you have a connection with.
- The right person could bring out parts of yourself you didn't even know existed.
- Kayla shares the differences between her first D/s relationship and the one she has with John Brownstone.
- The Daddy/babygirl dynamic wasn't even a consideration when John and Kayla first met. They grew into it together.
- Try not to be too rigid in what you think you want or the kind of kinkster you think you'll always be. People and situations change.
- When you begin discussing your kinks - once you figure out if there's a real connection - you might be surprised at what you learn, about them and yourself.
- A healthy D/s relationship and the ability to find the dynamic that works best for you requires trust.
- When you connect with someone on a deep level, you can be vulnerable with them. You never know what will come of that.
- Kayla describes how she found her babygirl side and how their dynamic shifted.
- Forget the labels we give ourselves and focus on the person. Be with a person who makes you feel all kinds of good things.
Listen to the show:
Listen on iTunes (and leave a review if you love what you hear!)