I don't really remember a time when I didn't have goals I wanted to achieve. From reading a series of books as a child to making major life decisions, my life is set out as a series of goals to achieve and things I want to do.
For many years, I didn't allow my instinct to guide me at all. I set a goal based on what I thought I should be doing and what I thought I wanted (even though my gut was screaming at me to cease and desist). When I chose a goal, whatever it might be, achieving it was always a huge effort. I would be tested, mentally and physically. But sheer determination got me through. Case in point - I bought a house with my now ex-husband in 2008. We had the money to buy the house, but not enough to really fix it up the way we wanted. I almost went into debt just to paint the kitchen. A year or so later, when I desperately wanted to remodel, it was a fiasco that involved putting in one floor, taking it back up, and putting in a second floor - in a matter of days and, finally, with the physical help of my stepfather (who thought my ex-husband was the biggest fucking idiot he'd ever met), we got it done. Buying the house was ridiculously easy. Making it a home was a trial by fire. In other news, it's now in the third year of the foreclosure process and I'm stuck in credit-hell limbo.
I truly used to believe that if something wasn't damned difficult to achieve, it couldn't be real. Everything I'd ever wanted to do as an adult had been a struggle and effort. But a lot of my goals were built on false beliefs in what I was supposed to be doing and fear that I might miss out on something if I didn't do something Right. Now.
I'm not a religious person, and I don't necessarily believe in God as most people know Him. But I am a believer in the Universe. I've come to believe, over the years, that when you're on the right path in life, the Universe places opportunities in front of you to help you on your path. Oh, you still have to work hard for things, put the effort in, and make it work, but if your eyes are open, the help is there for you, and the path is clear enough to travel.
The hardest decision I ever made was my divorce. I had no money, no lawyers in the family, and I wasn't sure how cooperative he was going to be. But, as hard as it was, I knew it was right. My gut/instinct finally (for the first time in years) stopped screaming at me. When I tell you the Universe lays out the path, I mean I filed the paperwork myself, completed all the necessary worksheets (thank you, Florida, for the 100 page book just to determine child support and custody arrangements - holy hell), got all the necessary signatures, and we were divorced in six months. Don't mess with a girl and her goal, y'all.
The second hardest decision wasn't truly that difficult. The decision to leave behind a world I didn't love in order to be with John Brownstone as his submissive and his partner was easy enough. Leaving behind a lucrative career (although I'd grown to hate it), taking a 75 percent pay cut to do it, and becoming financially reliant on another person for the first time in my adult life was terrifying. The Universe hasn't made it easy - I've lost clients, not gotten jobs, and been ignored - you name it. But it's been worth it. I wake up each morning, happy to get to work, doing something I love. And my goals grow by leaps and bounds.
So what kind of goals does a goal-oriented girl have?
- Finish the To Be Read list on my Kindle that's growing daily.
- Write more books - there are 8 on my current list. Whenever I think of another idea, I add it to the list.
- Write a book under my real name.
- Start a new blog under my real name.
- Build my business as a kinky writer for hire.
- Start a kinky podcast, which will feature a certain someone with an excellent voice.
- Start a kinky newsletter to share information and posts (my own and others) with those that are interested.
- Continue to build a life with the most amazing man I've ever known - under our own terms, in our own way.
- Raise two little rowdy boys into two good men. Thankfully I have help now.
- Travel - as a family and as a pair - around the country and the world.
The list of things I want to achieve grows daily. For the first time, the goals aren't mine alone. I'm part of a team, and my goals are his, while his goals are mine. Thankfully, we work well together. I have no doubt we'll achieve all of this and more...together.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week's prompt was about goals. I could write an entire book on how I feel about goals and what I do (and have done) to achieve them. I feel lost without goals. I need something to work towards and strive for. But that's just me.