You read that correctly.
I don’t feel like it. I don’t really care about it right now. I’m not interested in orgasms, cum, squirting.
No, I haven’t undergone a frontal lobotomy. No, I’m not on some kinky D/s orgasm denial. I just don’t want to.
I assume this is temporary. Tomorrow, I may wake up and feel like a bitch in heat, but right now, I don’t want to masturbate.
I’m not worrying about this new phenomenon. Not yet, anyway.
What I’d rather do is spend some time in that little girl headspace that intrigues me so much. I’ve spent the past few days feeling so sad and worried, that I would rather take some time to feel little and innocent.
I was described as “delicate” tonight. You know I asked for an explanation, right? I don’t necessarily see myself that way. When you’re used as a small child’s Kleenex, “delicate” hardly seems the correct word. As the designated bug killer in my house (because it’s wrong to make small children stomp on bugs while they cry), I certainly don’t feel delicate. As the light-bulb changer, ladder-climber, dust-bunny-wrangler, scrambler of eggs, fixer of toys, washer of dirty children, cleaner of toilets, and all the rest, I definitely don’t feel delicate. Hell, there are some days I barely feel female!
But I have been wanting to feel little – physically and mentally. With a bit of help, I’ve gotten back on track with my diet and exercise. I don’t feel like a marshmallow right now, and I’m feeling more my actual size. (I still see myself as the fat chick from seven years ago when I look in the mirror sometimes.)
I feel the need for a Disney movie night. I need to break out my Hello Kitty pjs, sit with Teddy, and kick back watching movies. I need to feel small and cute…and yes, even delicate for just a little while. In a perfect world there’d be the other side to the equation – the one who brings that side out in me and enjoys it with me. But, I’m not waiting around for something I don’t have.
So, let’s recap…I don’t want to masturbate (sad but true), but I do want to feel little. This ought to be interesting.