I have an undeniable urge to write tonight, but I can’t make the creativity flow. I should work on The Visitor as a full story because damn, I made myself wet re-reading that one. But I have to be in a sensual, sexual mood to write like that. It’s just not happening right now.

I have all kinds of urges, and I’m refusing to give in to any of them.

I have the urge to send Him a random text telling Him (again) that I miss Him. I think He knows.

I have the urge to send Him an email of all of His travel options to get home. I think His head would explode if I did that.

I have the urge to think and think and think about every emotion I feel right now. That only leads to trouble.

I have the urge to carefully dissect every thought I’ve had today in regards to Him and I, applauding my ability to remember what’s important. That leads to over-thinking. Trust me, I know.

I have the urge to fantasize about how it will be when we are together again. But because everything is still unknown, ultimately, it depresses me.

I have the urge to sit on Tumblr looking at amazing images. See the urge above – that’s why I can’t.

I have the urge to find something to do that has nothing to do with D/s, sex, thoughts, emotions, or missing Him. But I’m like the small child surrounded by toys who claims to be bored – I don’t know what to do with myself.

I have sexual urges too – but no permission.

I’m going to take my urges and shut them away for tonight. They’re nothing but TROUBLE!

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • No matter what I am doing in my own life, be it career, vanilla reading, interacting with other’s not in my know, the D/s reality is always there. It is interconnected in us who come to fruition in this chosen life-style. I personally have to celebrate to good and bad daily in and out of my D/s values.But the values are always attached to my own Dominance. Wish you good valued health today.

    • Thank you…I have found the same to be true with Him and with myself…D/s makes sense to me on a cellular level – it’s as natural to me as breathing…acting a certain way to blend in with the vanilla world almost feels like putting on a costume or a mask sometimes…

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