I fell so far into my head yesterday that I almost couldn’t find my way out. I felt physically ill from the stress I caused myself. I trembled; I mumbled; I lacked focus. I told Him I needed to be left alone for a bit, that I couldn’t talk. The nature of who we are centers around communication. Right now, it’s a near constant communication. To purposely turn it off for no real reason devastates both of us – I did it anyway.
Every fear, every insecurity, every doubt rose from my being, landed in my head, and wreaked havoc. Unknowingly, I caused Him stress, worry, and heartache. My heart hurts more knowing I did that to Him than it hurts from my own insecurities.
He pulled me back. He restored my faith in us. He granted me safe harbor. He promised He always would.
I woke up today choosing to believe that what we have is real – whether it lasts forever or for a minute. I woke up today choosing to feel good about myself, about us. I woke up today choosing to keep the positive in my mind and heart and to reject the self-doubts.
He gave me the best of Himself last night. He growled as my Sir. He laughed as my funny friend. He sang and shared beautiful music as my sweet man.
We talked; He listened. I’ve never been listened to the way that He listens to me. I’ve never been treated the way that He treats me. He makes it so simple to submit to Him. He gives me more than I can ever give Him, so I give Him all of who I am.
He promised, and I believe, that with Him I will always have a safe harbor. I will never again be cast out like others have done. I will always know how He feels about me. With Him, I will always be safe and secure.