Subspace - the great unknown, even for someone who has experienced it. If I promise I'm almost done, will you stick with me here? After this part, I think I only have one part left. Sir and I spoke on the phone about this, and He gave me His perspective, which helps. And He filled in some of the missing gaps for me. Our scene really ended once this happened, but it is still part of the moment...
Splayed on the bed, my limbs felt heavy. I could not move, and I had no desire to move. Despite the weighted feeling, I was relaxed. My bones were jelly. I looked at my Sir, and I knew He spoke to me. My brain refused to focus.
I looked past Him and a random thought entered my mind. Like Alice and the rabbit hole, I followed it. I have no memory of it now, but I do remember watching the picture my thought created as if I was watching TV. It was a picture in front of my eyes. I wish I could say it was some spectacular part of the scene that I was revisiting. Knowing me, it was probably something much more mundane.
As if from a great distance, I heard Sir.
"Can you hear me? Where did you go, pet? Come back to me."
I blinked. Slowly, I became aware of my surroundings.
"Hello, Sir." I tried to smile at him.
"Hello, pet. Where did you go?"
"I don't know, Sir."
He told me later that He knew something was wrong because my eyes glazed over completely. It was clear to Him I saw and heard nothing.
He continued talking to me, encouraging to me get up, to come back to Him.
I wanted to do as He asked. The heavy, relaxed, mindless feeling would not leave me. Devoid of all conscious thought, I also wanted nothing more than to lay still on the bed and drift. I felt like I was floating on water, gently drifting and bobbing.
He persisted. Every time I felt myself wander, He called to me.
"Come back to me, pet. Look at me."
I forced myself to do as He wanted. I had no energy nor desire to do anything. I wanted to continue drifting.
Using gentle pressure, He forced me up and out of the bed. I needed to use the bathroom, and He walked me to the door. He stood at the door, and I looked at Him in confusion.
"You can NOT come in here with me!" All D/s forgotten in that moment.
"I will stand outside this door - you might need me."
I looked at him, concerned at my loss of privacy. I shut the door.
"Don't lock it, pet. If something happens, I need to be able to get to you."
Knowing He stood right outside the door made it hard to pee. I sat there for a moment, still drifting. And then the shaking began. My hands trembled, my legs quivered, and I became nervous. What was happening to me?
I stumbled out of the bathroom and into His arms.
"I can't stop shaking, Sir." My jaw, my hands, my body shook.
He wrapped His arms around me, guiding me to the bed, offering me water.
He spoke soft, soothing words, probably wonderful sweet nothings, but I don't remember them. I know I no longer wanted to drift; I wanted to stop shaking.
I'm very fuzzy after this point. Clearly, I came out of it and we continued with our evening, but I don't know exactly what happened next. My Sir told me that I was the first submissive to ever go that deep with Him. I think it might have made Him nervous, but He never showed it. He took wonderful care of me, of that I'm sure. This moment was my third time in subspace - twice before had been much less intense but still very real, and I was easily pulled out of it. As bad as subdrop was, I look forward to subspace again because in order to get there, some amazing things have to happen first.