This evening ended better than it began. I began my evening in the corner, kneeling on rice as punishment. I'm ending my night satisfied from cumming several times and more training.
On impulse, due to exhaustion, emotions, habit, you name it, I ate a bite of something off-limits - just days after He and I spoke about the consequences of something like that happening again. I didn't think, I acted. The worst part? It tasted like crap and felt like paste in my mouth.
For half a second I considered not telling Him - for fear of the consequences. I rejected that idea immediately. If I get away with one lie, it means I can get away with others, and then this stops being real. I'm play-acting once I start doing what I want to do with no fear of the consequences. And I become a big, fat liar. The idea that I could lose His trust paralyzed me. I had to confess.
He considered me as a person when he meted out punishment. No nudity - so as not to confuse my masochistic side. Nudity and pain mean pleasure follows to my mind and part of my turmoil last time came from my body's reaction. Only 10 minutes - since my knees still bore scratches and marks from the last time. He promised if I slipped up again, I would get the full 20 minutes I should have had tonight, regardless of the condition of my knees.
I spent my time in thought tonight. We have not been as intense in the past week or so as we were in the beginning. Life intervened. I spent long minutes wondering if my subconscious, desperate to be Dominated, played a part. Craving something, did it act on its own to cause a situation where I'm at my most submissive? I have no answers for that. I cried thinking it might be true. Finally, the timer beeped, letting me know I was done. As last time, it's not done until all of the rice pulls away from my tender knees. The kneeling can be adapted to, the rice embedded the skin cannot. It must come off. It hurts like hell. That is the memory I need to carry with me always.
Once punishment is done, it's done. Over, no more, let's move on. He called me, we spoke, we moved on.
Promising I continue to be His bitch, His slut, His whore, and His good girl, I received permission to cum, continue training my ass, and be His sexy bitch again.
I came violently with the vibrating black dildo pressed tight against my clit. Thick cum oozed out of my pussy when I fucked my ass with the blue glass dildo. My body trembled violently when I fucked my ass with the black dildo, vibrating mercilessly and my pussy with the blue glass dildo.
Now I sit here, thinking about the evening spent in two different mental spaces, and I'm amazed at this D/s life I'm leading. The mental gymnastics astound me. The way I respond shocks me. The way I feel about Him and the way He makes me feel fill me with hope.
Yes, it was a better ending than beginning tonight.